Jokes,

observations,

musings,

ramblings, chatter,

idears,

wise cracks,

spoofs, satire,

irony, sarcasm,

put-downs,

snide comments,

witty quips, bad

puns,

plays on words,

knee-slappers,

one-liners,

and so forth.

 In an SUV chances are more likely that you'll flip and roll into a ravine then to actually drive there on purpose.
My parents are from the generation that didn't divorce...but perhaps should have.
It's ironic but people with the most writing on their clothes are people who seem to do the least reading.
I used to wonder why my parents were always so sick. Then I saw what they eat and I thought, "How the hell are they still alive?"
People wonder why there is so much alcoholism in Ireland. It's because the Irish are there.
Mexicans just want to go north where people are civilized and literate and there’s decent health care. And they have to go through here to get to Canada.
The Homeland Security folks say we should keep a lookout for suspicious activity around crop dusters. I guess they don’t want terrorists getting hold of a crop duster and spraying us with different poisons from the ones farmers are spraying us with now.
Animal rights folks say rodeo is inhumane. Sure, but. but on the other hand if you’ve got a bunch of rednecks with a rope, a rodeo is the most humane thing they’re gonna do.
Florida is divided into two time zones, 1938 and 1952.
Americans are incredibly overweight. We make up only 4% of the world’s population but we have 83% of its fat ass.
Many of the Kennedy family tragedies could have been averted, simply by swapping cars. JFK should have taken the hard top and Ted should have taken the convertible.
I recently got married after being single for 45 years. They say you'll know when it's the right one. You know how I knew she was the right one? She owned her own home.
Why do they have a scale at the gym? If I'm at the gym I'm already working out. Put the scale at the doughnut shop where it'll do some good.
The demographics on Hummer owners are: 75% white, 85% male, and 95% jackass.
I seldom perform in my hometown because they don't really support the arts. The best way to draw a crowd in my hometown is to get the 49ers perform the musical CATS at WalMart.
I broke a couple of bones snowboarding and found out why the snowboarding clothing is so baggy...to leave room for the swelling.
I got a speeding ticket in Montana a few years ago and it was only five dollars. I gave the cop a twenty and told him I was going to speed through his whole shitty state.
Bush said he's created millions of new jobs. I'd like one of those jobs but I think the commute to India would be a little prohibitive.