Jokes,
observations,
musings,
ramblings, chatter,
idears,
wise cracks,
spoofs, satire,
irony, sarcasm,
put-downs,
snide comments,
witty quips, bad
puns,
plays on words,
knee-slappers,
one-liners,
and so forth.
|
In an SUV chances are more likely that you'll flip and roll into a ravine then to actually drive there on purpose. |
My parents are from the generation that didn't divorce...but perhaps should have.
|
| It's ironic but people with the most writing on their clothes are people who seem to do the least reading. |
| I used to wonder why my parents were always so sick. Then I saw what they eat and I thought, "How the hell are they still alive?" |
| People wonder why there is so much alcoholism in Ireland. It's because the Irish are there. |
| Mexicans just want to go north where
people are civilized and literate and there’s decent health care.
And they have to go through here to get to Canada. |
| The Homeland Security folks say we
should keep a lookout for suspicious activity around crop dusters.
I guess they don’t want terrorists getting hold of a crop duster and spraying us with different poisons from the ones farmers are spraying us with now. |
| Animal rights folks say rodeo is inhumane. Sure, but. but on the other hand if you’ve got a bunch of rednecks with a rope, a rodeo is the most humane thing they’re gonna do. |
| Florida is divided into two time zones, 1938 and 1952. |
| Americans are incredibly
overweight. We make up only 4% of the world’s population but we have 83% of its fat ass. |
| Many of the Kennedy family
tragedies could have been averted, simply by swapping cars. JFK should
have taken the hard top and Ted should have taken the convertible. |
| I recently got married after being single for 45 years. They say you'll know when it's the right one. You know how I knew she was the right one? She owned her own home. |
| Why do they have a scale at the gym? If I'm at the gym I'm already working out. Put the scale at the doughnut shop where it'll do some good. |
| The demographics on Hummer owners are: 75% white, 85% male, and 95% jackass. |
| I seldom perform in my hometown because they don't really support the arts. The best way to draw a crowd in my hometown is to get the 49ers perform the musical CATS at WalMart. |
| I broke a couple of bones snowboarding and found out why the snowboarding clothing is so baggy...to leave room for the swelling. |
| I got a speeding ticket in Montana a few years ago and it was only five dollars. I gave the cop a twenty and told him I was going to speed through his whole shitty state. |
| Bush said he's created millions of new jobs. I'd like one of those jobs but I think the commute to India would be a little prohibitive. |